I Used To Be A Normal Person

As a man, I used to think I was pretty much just a regular person,
but I was born white, into a two-parent household which now, whether
I like it or not, makes me “Privileged”, a racist & responsible for

I am a fiscal & moral conservative, which by today’s standards,
makes me a fascist because I plan, budget & support myself.

I went to High School, got a degree, got in some college & have
always held a job. But I now find out that I am not here because I
earned it, but because I was “advantaged”. .

I am heterosexual, which according to “gay” folks, now makes me a

I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel.
I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which makes me a defacto member of
the “vast NRA gun lobby”.

I am older than 60, making me a useless eater who doesn’t understand
Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat.

I think & I reason, and I doubt much of what the “main stream” media
tells me, which makes me a “Right-wing conspiracy nut”.

I am proud of my heritage & our inclusive American culture, making
me a xenophobe.

I believe in hard work, fair play, & fair compensation according to
each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort – not freedom of
outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.

I believe in the defense & protection of America for & by all
citizens, now making me a militant.

I am proud of our flag, what it stands for and the many who died to
let it fly, so I stand & salute during our National Anthem – so I
must be a racist.

Please help me come to terms with the new me because I’m just not
sure who I am anymore!

If all this nonsense wasn’t enough to deal with, now I don’t even
know which restroom to use and I gotta go more FREQUENTLY!