Tag: Humor

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one’s seen before. 4. If it […]

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? -Phyllis Diller Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. -Phyllis Diller The reason […]

Dear Son, I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won’t be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived […]

AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT […]

My husband and I went through the McDonald’s driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.’ She sighed and […]

I used to be able to do cartwheels. Now I tip over putting on my underwear. I hate it when I see an old person and then realize we went to high school together. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… so she hugged me. My wife says I only have 2 faults. […]

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $10The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $100 please use the ATM.” The old lady wanted to know why … The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave […]

 A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t […]

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.In a very deep, husky voice, the woman […]