Tag: Humor

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.In a very deep, husky voice, the woman […]

I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one. Apparently RSVP’ing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response. Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent. Have you ever listened to someone for a minute and thought “Their cornbread isn’t done […]

     **********************************************************************************************************************************You A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store.The store clerks called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery…He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns […]

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing […]

As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.” “Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the […]

These glorious insults are from an era “before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. A member of Parliament to Disraeli: “Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli, “whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.” “He had delusions of adequacy.” ~ […]

Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Fred and Emma were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Fred suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom […]